I’ve been texting (LOL, spellcheck) with John occasionally about the show he’s throwing in Wichita Falls this Saturday. I noticed in all of his social media, he’s been pushing the free hot dog angle, when what’s really going to draw the inevitable crowd he didn’t plan for, is the “I am going to look the other way if you are drinking underage,” angle. It’s been subtly mentioned but thoroughly understood by the entire town’s 19 year old population. This is how poor, poor (actually very wealthy) Dave Wilson got stuck with me and Katie constantly rummaging through his kitchen during house shows for more mixers when we were 17, even though he was straight edge.
John’s been denying it, but yesterday he told me, “Y’know, it’s going to be a shitshow. But in the best way.”
Tl;dr: He’s going to have so many left over hot dogs.
(As much as I’d like to join the shitshow, I am a GROWN UP now, and will be helping my friend Amie throw a birthday party for her recently adopted 12 year old.)
(Where there will be a house-sized slip and slide. And 400 water balloons. And by ‘help’ I mean ‘make sangria.’)
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My boss gave me a 15 minute break to go into Booked Up - it was overwhelming to say the least.
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No! And everyone (by everyone, I mean the six professional alcoholics I know who are regulars there) else always tells me how nice they are! “Haha, JJ and I have this little joke. Don’t you just love him?” But every time I go up to the bar, I usually wait so long I start to question myself as a 100% opaque person.
THANK YOU!. Everyone tells me they’re nice and every time I go there I am straight up IGNORED. Maybe it’s because everyone at that bar always looks really hip and half the time I’m there I’m in gross half-pajamas and ordering the roasted beet sandwich to go because I live like a 3 minute bike ride away. Everyone there always looks 100x cooler than me. It sucks, because the food and the drinks and the patio there are all so good!
THIS IS A BOND!! I always wind up taking it so personal, too! Sometimes if I’m at a table with some Cool Cool Regulars, I slightly hope they’ll notice and be like, “Oh, she’s in. We’ll take her drink order within the first 15 seconds from now on.” But nope. I mean, my god, one time they gave my debit card to someone with a similar sounding last name! Is the porch and cheese plate worth it? (Yes, yes it is.)
My best friend Laini has this thing when she’s drunk, where similar to David Rakoff knowing everyone who’s Canadian, she knows or thinks she knows everyone who went to the University of Kansas. Note: We met and both graduated from the University of Missouri.
So I’ve been binging on Happy Endings over the weekends, and every time I bring it up (because I am full of interesting stories! Just like this one!), she immediately interrupts whatever sentence I’m saying with, “Adam Palley? He went to Kansas.” (He didn’t.)
In the middle of Django Unchained, whispering in the theatre: “Don Johnson? Went to Kansas.”
Pointing at our bartender at Yellow Jacket Social Club, “I think he went to KU?” “HOW WOULD YOU KNOW THAT?”
Listening to Of Montreal, “I think this guy went to Kansas.” “You’re just fucking with me at this point.”
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I’m debating whether to instagram these foil wrapped leftover slices of Papa Johns in Sutro filter I’m having for lunch, in response to the FIFTEEN (15) photos a friend of mine just posted of the salad she made.
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#I GET IT YOU CAN MAKE YOUR OWN MOZZARELLA #WHO CAN'T
Let’s see if asking, “Can you make me look hotter by feeling way less hot?” Can result in a decent short haircut.
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#elaine stritch appreciation post #because i'm ready to talk about something else #elaine stritch
“When I was doing Virginia Woolf, and when George and Martha had their scene together and George said, ‘Our son is dead.’ You know, that big scene? ‘Our son,’ he yells in my face, ‘is dead.’ And I went ‘No!’ At the height of my force, I said no to him. And I had an orgasm for the first time in my life.”
—Elaine Stritch speaking with Alec Baldwin on Here’s The Thing
UGH SHE IS THE BEST THING.
Sometimes I sing “Ladies to Lunch” to myself and I haaate musicals.
Sometimes I just practice her facial expressions
Sometimes when I’m cooking I think of this exchange from 3rd Rock from the Sun:
- Dick (John Lithgow): Oh Martha, this is the most delicious, exquisitely flavored palate teasing dish I’ve ever tasted. What do you call it again?
- Martha (Elaine Stritch, smoking, proudly): Busy Gal’s lasagna!
- Dick: I must get the recipe.
- Martha: It’s noodles with ketchup on ‘em!